four requirements for adulthood

there are 4 very important factors, in my mind, that determine you have reached adulthood.

its not your education. its not how much money you make. its not what you drive. its not your clothes, your paper accomplishments, your lineage...blah blah bleh

1 - be dumped.

2 - be the dumper.

3 - get fired.

4 - live completely and entirely on your own.

yeah, theres probably a few other things that leave some scars that build character and resiliency...certainly people that have survived disaster and disease and tragedy. i cant include everyone and everyones personal circumstances. you get the jist...

Being dumped. typically youre blindsided by it - youre devastated because you cant believe someone has stopped caring for you. all plans for a combined future - in the shitter. lick your wounds and move on. you are not responsible for someone elses behavior. just your own.

Being the dumper. the person you have chosen no longer compliments your goals and ideals. maybe it was just all wrong from the start. maybe some red flags went up and you cant fathom a future with a person whose character doesnt jive with yours. maybe its that he farmer hankies wherever he wants...whatever it is...dump him/her quickly and keep your dignity. dont insult them or do personal assassinations. you picked them for some reason...when you remove a band aid...do you pull it slowly or quickly? either way it still hurts. but dont compromise yourself.

Get fired. Sometimes the writing is on the wall - you either recognize you were a shitty employee and the sands were going to run out or maybe you work for a shitty seedy dishonest company and you realize that they are suspicious of you. maybe you had no idea the ax was going to fall and you get canned. either way - being fired is a wake up call financially and emotionally. check yourself - dont wreck yourself...its like a trolley car - miss one, shortly another will come along.

Live completely and entirely on your own. the most complex of all four. you are responsible for every action and reaction. Spent all your money on that new ______ and now you cant pay your electric. refridgerator has decided to quit running and you come home to warm stinky meat. cat threw up at the door and when you swing it open you smear hairballs, mucous and half chewed kitty kibble across the floor. your car has decided to take an unplanned mechanical dump on you and your rent/mortgage is due...no car=no work. no work = no money. no money = stomach tied in knots while you sift through your jewelry box looking for something to hock...being completely and entirely on your own and responsible for yourself in every matter and capable of handling your situation is paramount. im not saying you master it - but handling your affairs means that being dumped, being the dumper, getting canned, surviving disease, tragedy etc are all part of the human condition.

now grow up

i cant find the remote

i have misplaced my remote - so here i am on a saturday night - assed out from a minimally exciting day shift. i left work with $44. i am home with a sub par bottle of wine (i prefer Little Penguin Pinot Grigio - new zealand - cuz ill go ape for some Little P grape - anyway...the store was outta my brand)and i cant find the remote. its in another room or buried in the pillows/comforter...and since my tv is 20' in the air - i guess i will watch the Mighty Ducks while sipping on sub par vino...

so, in the background of a movie that i dont care so much to watch, however,is background noise,when i overhear, "IS THAT ALL THAT IS STOPPING YOU?"

in my most solid core of beliefs, is this: "what is the lesson and the gift?". i cant recall who imparted that wisdom on me, but im stuck, on a saturday nite, exhausted from a long week of obligations other than my own, trying to squeeze in what i want and what i need to do aside from cleaning and shopping and caring for a family, ...trying to build something bigger and better than myself...sipping on a sub par bottle of wine...

when background noise, relays, "is that all that is stopping you?".

so, the lesson and the gift, which are never solved in order...when i figure out whats stopping me, then i suppose ill have the lesson and the gift, or maybe the gift and the lesson...

quack...quack...quack...quack...


its cooked

my wife done left me

somedays...i am the sappiest country song you could imagine...

but this little ditty...is about being worn out.dog tired.rode hard.put away wet.know when to hold em - know when to fold em... passed the squealing worm ...got runned over by a damned ol train...and every other trite hokey expression that i cant think of because im too tired...

my wife done left me...and i am a straight heterosexual female - and when i say my wife done left me - i mean the chick that still holds to female duties and obligations that are tied to traditional stereotypes of what feminine duties are and what we should be relegated to...im not saying im going to poorly portray let alone reprise demi moore's role in navy seals...nor am i going to try to carve a gourd into the most fabulous tablescape like martha would...

i'm just saying - my wife done left me...and im here handling all this on my own...and i am going to assume the Al Bundy position, minus hand on junk, and ride the couch...

buy American, jerk

I am always on the prowl for a bargain. Always. The funny thing is, I am always searching for the same things...a great fitting inexpensive bra,good shoes for cheap, some natural fiber socks of some sort that might have some fancy woven arch support with a fun pattern, pants that fit my butt and my wallet and quality cookware. For cheap.

I browse like it's a sport. I train. I research and I put the time in. I know when Goodwill has $2 days. I know when the truck comes to my favorite discount store. I know that my fave big box stores put clearance items in the way back. I won't answer my phone sometimes because i get so lost in the hunt.

The other thing is, every single time i shop, I turn the item upside down, investigate the tag, or look for a marking to see where it's made. I try my hardest to buy American whenever I can. I found a blanket that is made in Tennessee. I found some glass left over containers that are made in California. I buy soy candles made in Virginia to help the farmers and small cottage industries. It is difficult to find items made in the states but it's worth the effort to help someone keep their home, their car and their lights on. Good luck trying to find a shoe or a camera made in the states, but I try to buy domestic every time i can. If i can't buy domestic, then I buy European.

Today's score, which is damn near impossible, was cookware. I landed two eco-friendly saute pans, PFOA-Free, lifetime warranty,non-stick pans that are made in Sugar Land, Texas. They were only $19.99! check out their website - www.tramontina-usa.com

Tonite, I will close my eyes, and rest my weary head on my 17 year old pillows made in Vermont and wrap myself in sheets made in Georgia as i watch my Taiwanese TV. I can't win them all...

undies

Would you ever cook in your underwear? Have you? i mean really cook - not reheat or remove protective film and check varying microwave wattages.Would you cook while wearing something that could be dangerous perhaps?...did you ever cook bacon while wearing a tank top?...would you wear platform heels while whisking pancake batter?...would you grill in a bathing suit? Do people feel sexy when they cook?...should they?

Eating is pleasurable - as it should be...so why not make it sexy? I'm not saying pornographic - I am asking...is it pleasurable, to create in your kitchen?...to nurture and satiate?....my version of sexy cooking is the ability to create a pleasing plate that makes you want more, but really being satisfied with what you've already got...but still can't get enough. Cooking is another chore or task in a myriad of lists of things to do...but it doesn't have to be mundane. So, the next time you stand in front of the refrigerator light or look in the cabinet for the fourth time before you return to the couch to watch "24"...investigate your options for pleasing the palette and see what is available that doesn't fill a boredom gap, but really tickles your fancy. Get your Freud on and really think about what you're putting in your mouth...you sexy orally fixated bitches.


It's cooked!

spank me, I'm a brand new baby blogger

"Money" is my nickname. It began as a joke but I kind of cultivated it and it stuck.You remember the flick, Vince Vaughn saying "You're so money, baby, you don't even know!" For as long as I can remember I have had nicknames. I think my parents should have just given me a single letter or a symbol or a number as my legal name because rarely my whole life have i been called by it. But it's cool. Fascinating tidbit about me, I know; you're welcome.

Money in the kitchen is not my other nickname. It's something that I am building. I feel I have been divinely inspired to spread a message about eating well, eating for cheap and with a punch of sarcasm and humor and stories of survival that no chef/cook whatever has ever done. I am fond of swearing. It's in my genes. I come from a long line of creative swearers so if you're looking for pg-13 humor with cooking tips and other regalia - not an option.

I am working on my 1st cook book, Money in the Kitchen: How to Eat like a Queen on the Budget of a Peasant, and Other Stories of Survival. I am near completion and will be world famous when I take over the culinary world....insert maniacal laughing and hand twisting...

stay tuned.
IT'S COOKED!!