idea

So somewhere around 2008/2009 I had this idea to write a book.
Somewhere around 2010 I thought id be a gazillionaire on a book tour and showing kathie lee and that other taalking head how to put a bone to good use all while helping other recession troubled folks.
I wrote a savvy business plan. I cooked. I wrote. I researched. I chatted up my project to anyone that would sit long enough to hear about it.I developed media networking sites. Started this blog.watched Julie and Julia. I wrote some more.
Ive had a few "businessmen" offer help and wisdom, which essentially means...keep working, ill put you in touch with my people and you will give me a large cut or lemme touch your boobies.needless to say, age and experience has taught me well. This is my idea,my project,my inspiration - while a savvy person would never decline connections or opportunities, compromising my constitution is not an option.ive seen lifetime movies for women...kick rocks.
anyway, its Jan 2012 and I'm not a gazillionaire. Yet.the book is nowhere near done. Life has gotten in the way. It frustrates me.sometimes the creative well is dry. It frustrates me. The pressure I put on myself to have it completed on that presumptuous imaginary timeline, was/is stagnating. It frustrates me. Even so, if all scenarios had been ideal and all the cards fell into place and I had completed this in 2010 -it would have been complete hokey, hallmark poetesque, Sappy garbage.
I would've had to move and change my name...it wasn't that bad...but it wasn't that good either.

I just finished the egg chapter; for the third time.

I read, that Roy Kroc, the mcdonalds founder, was in his late 40s when he began that restaurant...he had an idea...its all good

the good detergent

As much as I preach about using what you have and what's available, I am a bit of a snob sometimes about my food.

I don't buy food that I don't recognize...and I don't mean jicamas or staar fruit; I mean 'zannys pickles " or "that's usin' your noodle noodles" from the dollar store. Occasionally, even a stores own brand can look weird to me. I guess it reminiscent of 'generic labels' that were just black and white mystery cans/boxes that read, "pasta rings", "fruity hoopty" or "tissue paper". I suppose I am that marketing demographic that responds just as designed to floors,labels and jingles.

Additionally, the more knowledgeable ibecome on food labelling, I want my product to include a website or a 1-800# if I am so.inclined to inquirer further...
Especially when I am sipping a Dr. Thunder

blond or red

So I saw a picture of myself tonight when my hair was blond...not the bleached experiment...just the ol' visit the salon every 6-8 weeks high lite. I sometimes miss it. Not the maintenance, just the look.

I wouldn't say I had more fun as a blond.
I think if I had no hair we'd have fun. I think blond exudes an understood charm, the way you expectvevery Southerner to offer sweet tea and biscuits. Also, an outdoorsy all Americanesque who's up for an adventure feel.approachable. non threatening.

Now, I'm a dark redhead. Red is my natural colr although age, ahem, has made it on the mousier side, i experiment anywhere from medium red to chestnut auburn to Burgundy. My dominant. Irish background and fair skin compliments the red(s) and the curly,copious voluminous is like a Celtic freak side show...
Ive been harassed more often for my natural look than there are blond jokes. Harassed more often than as a blond - and yeah, sometimes it's sexually charged but more often just rude.
Yes its all mine.
I will never dread it, thankyou...love my dreddy friends...just not for me.
They're not extensions.
To the best of my knowledge,my family didn't own slaves and great great great gpa
ppy was not fucking the help behind the shed.(I'm not making that up.)

yes, redheads are wild and quite talented at many things.
yes, I have a temper but I'm not a landmine - I'm human.

And lastly, any woman, anywhere, will always, to the best of her abilities make sure that the drapes compliment the carpet.

im back baby

Ill keep this short Bc the wifi i pirate goes in and out....I'm typing next to the toasted oven....plus I have a tin foil hat on...I hope to be up and as regular as a prune eater...

four requirements for adulthood

there are 4 very important factors, in my mind, that determine you have reached adulthood.

its not your education. its not how much money you make. its not what you drive. its not your clothes, your paper accomplishments, your lineage...blah blah bleh

1 - be dumped.

2 - be the dumper.

3 - get fired.

4 - live completely and entirely on your own.

yeah, theres probably a few other things that leave some scars that build character and resiliency...certainly people that have survived disaster and disease and tragedy. i cant include everyone and everyones personal circumstances. you get the jist...

Being dumped. typically youre blindsided by it - youre devastated because you cant believe someone has stopped caring for you. all plans for a combined future - in the shitter. lick your wounds and move on. you are not responsible for someone elses behavior. just your own.

Being the dumper. the person you have chosen no longer compliments your goals and ideals. maybe it was just all wrong from the start. maybe some red flags went up and you cant fathom a future with a person whose character doesnt jive with yours. maybe its that he farmer hankies wherever he wants...whatever it is...dump him/her quickly and keep your dignity. dont insult them or do personal assassinations. you picked them for some reason...when you remove a band aid...do you pull it slowly or quickly? either way it still hurts. but dont compromise yourself.

Get fired. Sometimes the writing is on the wall - you either recognize you were a shitty employee and the sands were going to run out or maybe you work for a shitty seedy dishonest company and you realize that they are suspicious of you. maybe you had no idea the ax was going to fall and you get canned. either way - being fired is a wake up call financially and emotionally. check yourself - dont wreck yourself...its like a trolley car - miss one, shortly another will come along.

Live completely and entirely on your own. the most complex of all four. you are responsible for every action and reaction. Spent all your money on that new ______ and now you cant pay your electric. refridgerator has decided to quit running and you come home to warm stinky meat. cat threw up at the door and when you swing it open you smear hairballs, mucous and half chewed kitty kibble across the floor. your car has decided to take an unplanned mechanical dump on you and your rent/mortgage is due...no car=no work. no work = no money. no money = stomach tied in knots while you sift through your jewelry box looking for something to hock...being completely and entirely on your own and responsible for yourself in every matter and capable of handling your situation is paramount. im not saying you master it - but handling your affairs means that being dumped, being the dumper, getting canned, surviving disease, tragedy etc are all part of the human condition.

now grow up

i cant find the remote

i have misplaced my remote - so here i am on a saturday night - assed out from a minimally exciting day shift. i left work with $44. i am home with a sub par bottle of wine (i prefer Little Penguin Pinot Grigio - new zealand - cuz ill go ape for some Little P grape - anyway...the store was outta my brand)and i cant find the remote. its in another room or buried in the pillows/comforter...and since my tv is 20' in the air - i guess i will watch the Mighty Ducks while sipping on sub par vino...

so, in the background of a movie that i dont care so much to watch, however,is background noise,when i overhear, "IS THAT ALL THAT IS STOPPING YOU?"

in my most solid core of beliefs, is this: "what is the lesson and the gift?". i cant recall who imparted that wisdom on me, but im stuck, on a saturday nite, exhausted from a long week of obligations other than my own, trying to squeeze in what i want and what i need to do aside from cleaning and shopping and caring for a family, ...trying to build something bigger and better than myself...sipping on a sub par bottle of wine...

when background noise, relays, "is that all that is stopping you?".

so, the lesson and the gift, which are never solved in order...when i figure out whats stopping me, then i suppose ill have the lesson and the gift, or maybe the gift and the lesson...

quack...quack...quack...quack...


its cooked

my wife done left me

somedays...i am the sappiest country song you could imagine...

but this little ditty...is about being worn out.dog tired.rode hard.put away wet.know when to hold em - know when to fold em... passed the squealing worm ...got runned over by a damned ol train...and every other trite hokey expression that i cant think of because im too tired...

my wife done left me...and i am a straight heterosexual female - and when i say my wife done left me - i mean the chick that still holds to female duties and obligations that are tied to traditional stereotypes of what feminine duties are and what we should be relegated to...im not saying im going to poorly portray let alone reprise demi moore's role in navy seals...nor am i going to try to carve a gourd into the most fabulous tablescape like martha would...

i'm just saying - my wife done left me...and im here handling all this on my own...and i am going to assume the Al Bundy position, minus hand on junk, and ride the couch...